How to Stay Cool in the Un-Air Conditioned South

by the Coconut Girl on June 7, 2012


1. Pull the front hem of your nightgown up to your neck. Tuck the hem over the collar and yank it through to make a halter.

2. Lie on your bed crossways and prop your legs against the cool, smooth plaster.

3. Run the faucet over your wrists.

4. Press your cheek against the metal base of your bedside lamp.

5.  Lie on the floor next to the box fan. Talk into the blades.

6. Scoonch up to the window by your pillow. When you see a lightening bug in the distance, line your fingers up with the flash and flick the screen.

7. Find a damp curl at the nape of your neck and use it to bundle a ponytail.

8. Lying on your back, raise your hips and legs up towards the ceiling. Keep your knees straight, toes pointed, and chin pressed into your chest. Scissor-kick to make a breeze.

9. Kneel at the window that faces the road. Watch moths burn up in the streetlight.

10. Tug the top sheet taut to your chin. Grab fistfuls of fabric and whip the sheet high to make a balloon over your body. Release the sheet and let it descend. Repeat.


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashley June 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

11. Say to yourself, “Why, can’t you feel that cool breeze blowing in through the window?” while staring at the sheer, lightweight window curtains that are NOT

12. Take a cold shower and lie down in front of a fan with a slightly damp body and dripping wet hair and pray for sleep to come before you dry off.

13. Douse yourself with water from a hose or run through a sprinkler. Pretend that the high humidity doesn’t stop evaporation from cooling you down.

14. Swim in any body of water available. Even a “pool” with tadpoles, frogs, murky water, and a sticky, muddy bottom.

15. Set a spell and enjoy an ice-cold Coke-cola.

MJ June 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I love that you wrote “scoonch.” :-D

Becky June 15, 2012 at 7:32 am

16. Install ceiling fans. Lay under them after a cold shower.

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