From the category archives:

Planet Newborn


by the Coconut Girl on April 28, 2014

Ah. It’s a book bag. Oh. It’s a sack of money. A-ha. It’s a bottle of hooch. What do these things have in common? 1) I thought they were babies, and 2) none of them were babies. Yes, I was way off the mark. But in fairness, all three infant imposters were the chesty parcels [...]


Silent Design

by the Coconut Girl on August 8, 2013

Despite their superficial differences, open-plan architecture offices and napping babies share a key, defining characteristic: the ability to make grown-ups neurotic about noise. Granted, not every design firm and sleeping baby demand unperforated quiet. But many—I daresay most—do. I’ve been in architecture firms where receptionists nearly devour their receivers rather than let the phone ring [...]

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Conversations with Candy Screen, A & Q

by the Coconut Girl on July 17, 2013

  A spiritual book I once read is structured in a question-and-answer format. It says to do this: Lie down in your boat and let the current turn you downstream. Meanwhile, a flyer I have from the American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP), says to do this: Limit your child’s screen-time to less than one hour [...]



by the Coconut Girl on April 12, 2013

It’s time for a good cry! Who’s in? The rule: cry as long as you like, and for any reason: sadness, fear, loneliness, boredom, nostalgia, frustration, anger, happiness, disappointment. No judgement, tears are tears! Informal Survey: 1. If you have kids, do you cry in front of them? 2. If you have a pets, do [...]


Sleep: The 20/20 Experience

by the Coconut Girl on April 8, 2013

Sleep deprivation is something you’d never wish on a person, but it has a humbling, equalizing effect. People who’ve raised newborns or puppies understand the dread when a cry or bark pierces through REM sleep. They know how the body catapults into care-taking before the mind is awake. Nights grind into weeks, and new parents [...]


Crib Co.

by the Coconut Girl on January 2, 2013

One day I’ll start a modern crib company. It will be called “Hit the Hay/Dirt™” and the designs will be gorgeous. More importantly, there will be a helpful pamphlet taped to the underside of each mattress platform. Among its pages will be a twin bed that inflates silently, a mini infrared movie player, and a [...]



by the Coconut Girl on December 6, 2012

  bs.  Can you guess what I just wrote? Bear with me, I’m trying to outrun the pornbots. Especially the international ones spamming me with ads for discount ED drugs. Such as the following promo, disguised as a comment on this blog: A number of developments go in and out in the trend bridesmaid apparel [...]


Who Do We Appreciate

by the Coconut Girl on August 26, 2011

My Dad was the first person to show me how to skip stones across water.  At six years old, I watched him bend his wrist back at a weird angle and flick a small, flat stone from one bank of Big Rock Creek to the other. He was great at it; I’ve never seen anyone [...]


Bouncing New Baby_____

by the Coconut Girl on June 28, 2011

Congratulations are in order! I just gave birth to another 57-year-old beach bum. Right now he’s knocking back a mug of suds at the Salty Dog in Daytona Beach. Next on his agenda: taking a leak, checking out the t-shirts in the gift shop, then stumbling into the street. I’m so proud! Even though “Doug” [...]


Everybody’s Crying Family Sling™

by the Coconut Girl on June 7, 2011

The Coconut Girl and Darcy Larsen return! Tune in for tCG’s latest original product for surviving the evening witching hour. Exclusively on The Coconut Girl Channel!